Rachel (zoesfrogs) wrote in schizofriends,
Rachel
zoesfrogs
schizofriends

lost in psychosis

since may i've been seeing demons under the faces of people. I've been hearing a commanding voice telling me that i need to cleanse the demons from these people. At first it did not tell me how to cleanse the demons.
As time went on I could hear the souls of the people who were afflicted with these demons crying out for help for salvation, and it tortured me. I had trouble sleeping. The voice kept telling me to cleanse the demons. The voice then reappeared telling me that if i died a light would be released that would be unseen to human eyes that would purify the demons. I admitted myself to the hospital where they increased my antipsychotic and told me to go about my normal routine. Shortly after I got out the Angels came to me, telling me that I was not really human that when I fulfill my duty to God and purify the demons I will live as this holy light amongst the Angels. They guided me to buy pills for an overdose. I confessed to my psychnurse about the pills, she told my roommate about the pills and my roommate took them away from me. The Angels were angry with me, they are almost always with me telling me about how I should end the suffering of millions of people. The other day I told them I do not want to die, and they told me that people I love could end up suffering and wouldn't it be horrible if something were to happen to my four month old nephew.
i'm terrified and i do not know what to do. My pdoc seems to think my antipsychotic is working fine but i'm under constant torment, and i wonder if i should just give into the voice
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