Well today I learned that my real Dad claimed that I was on dope medicine. He also decided that I do not hear voices in my head. He obviously isn't me. I'm overweight, and I was first depressed when I was diagnosed with schizophrenia. I found comfort in food. Then they proceeded to tell me I was bipolar as well. Yet, my real Dad, the free will baptist man decides I shouldn't be medicated. Na, I'm fine. I'm good. It pisses me off that he thinks he can decide for me. I went into the hospital. I consulted doctor's who obviously became aware of this disease; I don't know how many years ago. I know it exists for a fact because I hear voices. I don't jump when they try to tell me how high either. I'm just wondering how does someone fake this mental illness. Is it possible to fake it? How can we prove it is real? I'm seriously praying for my real Dad to hear voices in his own head because I'm so pissed at him for telling me what I need, and what I don't need. Then that bitch my step Mom who promised to stay in touch with me, well she is a liar, and she calls it dope medicine. Well, I want to,oooh I just want to smack her upside the head until she hears voices in her head too. I hope for a week of torture of it too on both of them. Then see if they can cope. I'm angry at them. I need my medication. It helps me stay focused. Yes, I sleep. Yes, I tend to eat too much at times because risperdal causes some hunger pangs in me. Well, I'm still doing that experiment on myself to see if it is the medicine or myself because when I get depressed, I eat a lot. They want to take my meds and throw them away. Yes, I'm doing well now on my meds. I don't want to do without my meds. I have a life. I'm a writer and reader. It isn't a pleasing job to my real Dad obviously, but that bitch step Mom stays home. The hypocrites they both are. I have manic moods and depressive moods. I experience them both, and that is me. Wicked evil step Mom says everyone does that. I don't see her doing it miss Molly homemaker not praying for the rest of the world and saving the world with her hypocrite methods. So tell me, how do you fake schizophrenia? I want to know if it is possible? How do you prove that you really have the disease of hearing the voices? Manic moods where you black out saying and doing things that you considered a thought then heard about it later from the voices? Would someone please tell me. Are you an actor or do you get real down dirty depressed not doing a damn thing at all? Then all of a sudden feel like Susie homemaker remodeling and cleaning? Manic mood again. I wish God would speak to my hypocrite narrow minded real Dad who doesn't care to know about my mental illness and who obviously calls me a fake saying I'm on dope. Yes, it pisses me off. I pray everyday not to black out and remember things, but I've blacked out and had talks with family that even I cannot recall. I hear about it later from the voices, and yes I question even when I'm not supposed too. I'm living with this mental illness. It is mine, all mine. I'm coping. I'm dealing. I'm functioning. Tell me again, how do you fake it? because I would like to meet the expert faker on schizophrenia bipolar illness. Where is that con man? con woman? Do you ever wonder if people use our mental illness as an excuse to avoid work and daily living? Yes, we live differently. I sleep half the day. I attempt work. I attempt reading and writing. I attempt cleaning and organizing. It is hard, but I attempt it. I go shopping. I have disability. I can spend my money like crazy and go broke in a day then pay the price later with regret. I've done that on a manic high abuse credit cards. It put me in debt and almost 8yrs to pay them off, but I did it. I'm still discovering other factors of my illness and I need to read the schizophrenic handbook where it tells that we actually hurt people because the voices tell us too. I've always said No to my voices when they tell me to kill and hurt people in my family. I could never hurt a stranger either. I'm defying that part of the book, but I could sure hurt my step Mom bitch homemaker who breaks promises and is a bad faker of understanding my illness. She doesn't and never did want to learn. I will always hate her for that too, and I try not to hate anyone. If you have ever felt the way I do now. Please talk to me. If you know a con person who has tried to get away with being like one of us with this mental illnessl; Tell him I would like to meet him or her. I would like to know how they pretend to be us. Introduce the con to my real Dad. Put that voice activated helmet on his head and let him hear voices. I've heard about that helmet too from my sister at her old job. They allow people to attempt to understand part of our plight accept for the reason we have mental episodes blacking out, self medicating, and going without meds running off to places only the voices would tell us we can go and what trouble doesn't lie ahead of us. Yes, I believe in taking my meds to stay sane. They help me. I dream of a glass of wine every night, I do. I want it so bad, but even I cannot enjoy it fully. Have a beautiful blessed day!! God Bless You! Thanks for listening.
Welcome to the new LiveJournal
Some changes have been made to LiveJournal, and we hope you enjoy them! As we continue to improve the site on a daily basis to make your experience here better and faster, we would greatly appreciate your feedback about these changes. Please let us know what we can do for you!