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11th February, 2016. 7:51 pm.(kindmemory)

I quit coffee in Jan. of 2014,  because I thought it was making me jittery, but also because I finally looked up what it does to bones. I found out it's one of the four foods that contribute to bone loss: Caffeine,   Soda pop because of the phosphoric acid (every once in a while I have some but check to see if it's Phosph. acid free), Salt,    Milk and milk products (because lactic acid is in all cow's milk, and it takes more calcium than it puts in. When you are young your body can absorb calcium from greens and other foods or supplements, but as you get older, you absorb little if any).

If I do eat any of these, I take a calcium supplement, but wish I could avoid these. It's hard to avoid cheese, salt and coffee. I am not sure taking the calcium supplement works but I have a hard time avoiding certain foods, & cannot always avoid the bad ones.

Part of the problem is lack of income, meat and almond milk, etc. are not cheap.

Hi to all of you out there.

[Edited to add: I feel like anything that takes calcium out of the body reduces my calm level.]

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20th March, 2015. 5:48 pm. hello(onedayatatime23)

I am just writing to say I am glad I found this community.  I don't have many people who understand what I am going through.  People think they know but there is no way they know unless they have this particular mental illness.  I have one friend who I met recently who is both an alcoholic and a schizophrenic.  He is the only one who understands.  I am just glad that now I have somewhere I can come and i won't be judged.

Current mood: grateful.

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13th January, 2014. 6:15 pm. Anyone still here?(oldruggedspork)

Is anyone around? Were you okay for the holidays? I had a really crazy one and could not bring myself to call any of my Al-Anon friends. I guess it was a schizo episode because I felt like something was telling me that I was going to kill myself and it was all associated with "God" and so forth. I finally called a church counselor I had had for MPD for a year several years ago. I just felt severely anxious and I cannot describe the negative feelings I had.

The therapy I had from church was very good, but it was for MPD and I have never been diagnosed with schizo, do not want the terribly inept shrinks I have had for depression, or who just wouldn't treat me, told me I didn't have a problem.

I finally cut down then quit coffee, haven't had any caffeine for a week. And it's just touch and go every day. Sometimes I feel better but it always just comes back. It just sucks.

By the way, I had no idea that Urinary Tract Infections were probably linked to Schizophrenia, but heard it in the news last month. Also, a friend told me that when older people in nursing homes display schizo symptoms, they are checked for a UTI.

My grandmother had UTIs and schizo symptoms, and I always thought she was schizophrenic, she spent a year in a mental hospital (no one is telling me if there was ever any diagnosis, with my family I'm kind of afraid to ask).

Anyways, how are you if anyone is still around?

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18th August, 2013. 7:41 pm. lost in psychosis(zoesfrogs)

since may i've been seeing demons under the faces of people. I've been hearing a commanding voice telling me that i need to cleanse the demons from these people. At first it did not tell me how to cleanse the demons.
As time went on I could hear the souls of the people who were afflicted with these demons crying out for help for salvation, and it tortured me. I had trouble sleeping. The voice kept telling me to cleanse the demons. The voice then reappeared telling me that if i died a light would be released that would be unseen to human eyes that would purify the demons. I admitted myself to the hospital where they increased my antipsychotic and told me to go about my normal routine. Shortly after I got out the Angels came to me, telling me that I was not really human that when I fulfill my duty to God and purify the demons I will live as this holy light amongst the Angels. They guided me to buy pills for an overdose. I confessed to my psychnurse about the pills, she told my roommate about the pills and my roommate took them away from me. The Angels were angry with me, they are almost always with me telling me about how I should end the suffering of millions of people. The other day I told them I do not want to die, and they told me that people I love could end up suffering and wouldn't it be horrible if something were to happen to my four month old nephew.
i'm terrified and i do not know what to do. My pdoc seems to think my antipsychotic is working fine but i'm under constant torment, and i wonder if i should just give into the voice

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4th July, 2013. 9:14 pm. Hi, Everyone(benbhbe)

This is only the second time I've started a post on this site and the first time I've done so in many years. For anyone who doesn't know (which is probably all or most of you), I was diagnosed with schizotypal personality disorder. I have problems with paranoia, which is bothering me so much today. I take zyprexa, and it helps, but not %100. I also get lonely, but at the same time I feel really uncomfortable around most other people. I've decided to get back to blogging on livejournal again and participating in this group. Unfortunately it looks like it's not as active as it once was.

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15th September, 2012. 4:19 pm.(digitalpunk)

i just joined this community. and i thought i would introduce myself.

i was diagnosed with schizophrenia when i was nineteen, but had been experiencing symptoms since i was 15/16yo. then when i was twenty my father died after a short battle with cancer. i had been using amphetamines and by the time i was 22 i was a full blown junkie (for lack of a better word). i was working a job at McDonalds but kept turning up for work in a psychotic state until they said they would no longer employ me unless i saw a doctor. i went to the hospital and was immediatly hospitalised. that was one of many MANY hospital admissions. between the ages of 21-27 i was on an involuntary order. then bit by bit as i started to trust my psychiatrist...i became compliant with medications. i could tell loads of scary stories but i dont feel the need to boast about sad mements in my life that id rather forget about.

i still see the same psyciatrist to this day and since then my diagnosis has changed to 'schizoaffective' which as i understand it is schizophrenia with mood components. currently i live in care in a CCU (community care unit). i have improved in leaps and bounds since living here...which scares me because i hate the idea of living amongst psychiatrists and nurses.

im beginning to learn that there are greater things to life than being sick. im enjoying life for the first time and want to grasp it with both hands.
i also want to make some friends :)

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7th November, 2012. 1:46 pm. My Schizophrenic Experiences (milagrodelavida)

Hello everyone :) Thanks for having me. Anyways, my name is Felicia. It's pronounced "Alicia" but with an F. So, now that that's out of the way, I'd like to tell you about my life and experiences with schizophrenia.

I was diagnosed with schizo affective disorder, as well as schizophrenia when I was 10 years old. I was having many of the symptoms once puberty hit. I experienced puberty at an early age. I feel it sort of robbed me of my childhood. I began menses when I was 8. So yeah, I feel a little "robbed." Shortly after, I began hearing voices and seeing things that weren't there. The voices or should I say voice was always the same. It was, and is a deep man's voice. The first time I heard him speak was when I was 10. I was laying in bed, scared out of my gourd about one thing or another. LOL. Don't know what....so, I lay frozen. Out of nowhere I hear this deep man's voice say "Good night."

I've got to say, it literally scared THE LIVING HELL out of me. It wasn't the TV, and the only people in the house were my mother and I. The voice was extremely deep, not spooky, a little comforting, actually. But, being 10 years old and hearing voices, ugh....just creeped me out. I didn't tell anyone about the voice, (who I now call "Virgil") lol. He's just totally the Virgil type to me....I imagine him with a big old mustache from olden times in colonial America, old man, handsome though. Circular mono eye glass thingy....I've tried finding a picture that would resemble him, but to no avail. I've even tried drawing him, and I'm no artist....but anyways, he's my Virgil....he's been with me for 10 years now, and I guess he'll always be around....which, brings me off topic to a song by Willie Nelson. God.

So anyways, I have been staying on my medicines religiously. I had a bit of a psychotic breakdown last Sunday, in which I threw a bunch of my stuff in a bag, and was planning on moving in with my boyfriend, which right now....due to really unpleasant circumstances cannot afford to take me in. My mom told me to pack my pills, and I didn't want to, because I didn't want my boyfriend to know that I am mentally ill. So, I wasn't going to pack my pills. I finally threw them in the bag, and then my mother told me that when my boyfriend came to pick me up, she was going to tell him about my mental illnesses and prepare him for what is to come. I was very, very angry. That night, after I was told he couldn't take me in with him because he cannot afford someone living with him at this time, I hit him. When he left, I took my pills and went off to bed. I was beat from freaking out. The next evening, it was time for me to take my pills, but they were no where to be found. I was frustrated, because I needed my pills. My mom and I looked everywhere, but could find them nowhere. I went without my pills, and it was the worst experience of my life with schizophrenia up to this point!

Note to self, I CANNOT go without my meds.
I tried to keep my cool, but I was going through some pretty traumatic stages. One minute, I was laying wide awake in bed, laughing my head off, Lol. Seriously. When I'm not freaking out about one thing or another, I am usually laughing at absolutely nothing. Ugh....I slay myself. Well, mom didn't think it was funny, and got angry at me and told me to go to sleep. I couldn't. I just lay there, laughing at everything I could think of. I was laughing so hard that I couldn't breathe and tears were rolling down my face. I needed my medicine, but I couldn't find it. That night I experienced the worst phases of Hell. Horrible nightmares keeping me up, terrifying hallucinations, I thought I was having a heart attack at one point during the whole thing. The next day, I went into work, extremely tired, irritable, and furious at my boyfriend for no reason....lol. Who hasn't heard that one before? On top of schizophrenia, I also have Bipolar. Yeah, I know. Lovely. I was just crying and screaming and freaking. Hit him last night because I misunderstood something he said. Yeah, I'm a violent person. I have anger issues. I have a temper, I'm mentally ill, and I'm downright INSANE!!

Now, I have a boyfriend who cowers in fear of me, and hesitates to let me hug him. For some reason, I think it's funny to make him think that I am going to hit him again, even though I didn't. I don't know why, and I wish that part of me could stop. Life with schizophrenia and mental illness isn't easy AT ALL. But, day by day I am trying to live with my struggles. It's so hard at times, and many times I feel like giving up. But, I put my faith in God and know that he will guide me in all that I do.

Hope to make some friends in the community to connect with and share stories with.
God bless you all :) And never, ever EVER, no matter what ANYONE tells you give up hope. There will be a light at the end of our tunnel. Sometimes, we just have to look for it ourselves.

Current mood: amused.

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15th November, 2012. 3:31 pm. freedom(mysterious_joy)

I feel like writing a poem today. Maybe you can relate.

I desire to be free
but I know
that can't be all
I need to be free
but I also need love
and I know
there is God to remember
not as a shadow of despair
not as another hell like many others
I think it's best
to just remember God is love
someone who won't yell or scream
or bark another accusation
someone who'd simply like
to give me peace
it seems like a river
sit down and stay, I find myself thinking
and I'm not afraid anymore
at least for a while
the water's running quietly
and I may stay here
I wish I could say it's alright now
but I look into the distance
I'm not sure if I understand everything
perhaps I need to bow
and find something in the sand
and not in the skies I am always trying to reach
sand? wasn't that what I was made of?
some day in good old paradise?
I have water, I have sand
I guess I just found myself
and I am at peace
dear God, I thank you
please keep your grace shine
I'd like to live in the light
there isn't much more I can say...

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6th September, 2012. 2:07 pm.(aghostchild)

update: thank you to everyone that wrote something in response to my post about my clozaril not working as well. i got the results of my blood test back. when i was first on clozaril, my blood level was at 550. a few weeks ago, i tested at 220. the therapeutic dose is considered to be 100-700. i'm still within the range, but my results changed drastically. i'm not sure exactly why.

lately, i've been more tired and drooling more at night again, and the voices are starting to be less intrusive. it's a relief, in some ways, and bad in others. i'm going to get my levels checked in a few more weeks, and not making any changes until then. one of my friends brought up the possibility of glycine affecting my clozaril, since that is know to happen (though weirdly enough it can have a positive effect on schizophrenia, but it inhibits the absorption of clozaril.) i can't think of any food sources that contain high levels of glycine that i have ingested (it's mostly in meat products, and i'm a vegetarian.)

regardless, i'm doing better. i sleep like i'm in a coma but i'm less afraid. yay?

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9th October, 2012. 8:40 am.(hawkjester)

i went off of medication 3 months ago. And it started out well. I mean, id started to go mad, but it was all of the good parts of my previous madness. The desire to make potions to tell myself stories, and the symbolism/magical thinking, the unusual style of dress, the desire to change the world, the desire to rise above my ego, the ability to create artwork once again

but then the screaming started

and the self doubt started

and i have to choose between being null and void and unable to do artwork and getting seizures and gaining weight and maybe getting diabetes, and a host of much worse things if i take any other medication, like heart attack and tardive dyskenesia

or, being mad and being able to express myself but the things i need to express myself about may be pretty distressing

so i face up to my mind or i hide from it, those are my choices

common themes in my first psychotic little thingy were magic, ego, projection, manifestation, visions, telepathy, my imaginary friend from childhood, and zuni pueblo

so a lot of those things have become a focus again which im not worried about too much

because that is all good fun


im starting to dislike the voices, i dont want to.

they are a pain in the ass

its not that they always talk, they are quiet or silent most of the day

but when they do talk its a host of confusing emotions for me

so going off of meds hasnt made a significant difference in the voices really

going off meds made a huge difference in mindset though.

and sometimes this mindset is very good

but makes me feel alien. i feel like an alien. i feel like i think so vastly different from humans that i am not even one.

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